Have we lost the meaning of this winter holiday?

celebrating christmas with family has been "fun"... but i can't help wondering what's going on?
its starting to become a pagan time of gathering and filling up our stomachs and counting the dollars we recieve as presents.. some birthday party to Jesus...
i don't want to sound like i didn't enjoy spending time with family .. i love them soo much...
family was my everything for as long as i can remember...
but now i see depraved minds that are misguided by culture and tradition and doing things out of habit instead with the heart. not to judge... but i can't help what i see...
we need saving... but whats worse is we dont even see the problem..

sim's birthday

friends are good... :)






sim is 20 now. time flies.

This is what's in my heart right now...

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master's courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
I'm carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I'm healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

These Afflictions Eclipsed by Glory..

what is this unexplainable awareness that is coming over me all of a sudden?

from the craziness of project after paper after PPA and BYL and other social problem assignments... to the "running on 3 hrs of sleep all day" to the comments like, "get some sleep, next week i guess"... the whirlwind of emotions and the impossiblity of focusing on the one true love that is Christ....
yet, inspite and in light of all of this, He is there. he is right here. in ways i'll never understand. but through little rare glimpses of his..... glory!.. there's no other word that is sufficient, no word in our vocabulary that could describe, Oh, How HE LOVES US!

wow... recollection from Europe

wow... i wrote this when i was in Lithuania...these were my thoughts after a semester in another country..
Sunday, May 18, 2008

Tagged
Current mood: awake

Okay, so I guess I got tagged by yanna :). The way it works is when you get tagged you have to do exactely what I am doing here... Which is write a blog of ten random facts, ideas, habits, goals, or whatever about your life and then list ten people that YOU are tagging. So here we go:

1. right now im sitting in an old dormatory room with all my luggage scattered because i cant figure out how to fit it all in... i really need to get rid of the clutter in my life.
2. im struggling.. with my walk with God. i keep feeling these desert times... i dont know how else to describe it.
3. i need to have a stronger faith. or renew my faith maybe.. i feel like everything i've learned in the past, i have to re-learn.. its so tough becoming the decision maker in my own life.
4. i just got back from my first mission trip in Vilnius and i leave for ukraine tomorrow morning.. by bus and train thru poland with my new friend Olya.
5. by the way, I loved Lithuania.. it has forever changed my life, because it opened my eyes to the real world.. to exactly what i needed to go through to get to my awareness of how truly blind i am.
6. life is so much more then following traditions and doing things just because someone says so... how could i have sold myself so short all this time. i didnt allow for my heart to learn on my own.(i dont know if this makes any sense at all)
7. I think its about time i start seeking wisdom from God and not just go with the flow... i am really really lacking in it.
8. my family-its so crazy that while im gone it seems like everything is happening, good and bad... i wonder about God's plan in that. but i know its supposed to be this way.
9.im leaving for ukraine tomorrow and i'll be meeting up with my beloved fresnoians! i dont even know how i will react... the first time seeing them in 5 months...
10. wow it feels like i just got started and here is the last fact.. well i guess i could say that i've learned to never never never stop making good friends whereever you go. dont ever be afraid to get attached. because the hope of seeing them in heaven is the biggest reward.

Persecution in India!!!

i know its kinda late but i just read this and had to post it... its never too late to be aware!
Much like how the media is ignoring much of the persecution in the Congo, Christians are being terrorized in India without much notice in the US.
Check out this article and the email below.

http://www.asianews.it/index.php?l=en&art=13658&size=A#

This is a request for prayer for YWAM (Youth With A Mission)
PLEASE FORWARD

Dear beloved sponsors and friends of Good News India (GNI).

We have never seen anything like this. We knew that Orissa was the most resistant and hostile State in India as far as the Gospel is concerned. And we brushed off the continuous threats and harassment we faced as we went about His work. But none of our staff imagined that they would see this kind of carnage.... And it seems to be totally under the radar of the Western Media.

Let me explain: A militant Hindu priest and 4 of his attendants, who were zealously going around the villages of Orissa and 'reconverting' people back to Hinduism, were gunned down by unknown assailants in Central Orissa last weekend. Immediately, the Christians were blamed. The cry rose up: 'Kill the Christians!' and the horror began. In the past 4 days, we have first hand witness to hundreds of churches being blown up or burned and many, many dozens of Christian tribals have been slaughtered for no other reason than that they bear the name of Christ.

Night and day I have been in touch with our Good News India Directors spread across 14 Dream Centers in Orissa. Tthey are right in the middle of all this chaos. In Tihidi, just after the police came to offer protection, a group of 70 blood-thirsty militants came to kill our staff and destroy the home. They were not allowed to get in, but they did a lot of damage to our Dream Center by throwing rocks and bricks and smashing our gate, etc. They have promised to come back and 'finish the job'.
Our kids and staff are locked inside and have stayed that way with doors and windows shut for the past 3 days. It has been a time of desperately calling on the Lord in prayer.

More police have come to offer protection. In Kalahandi, the police and some local sympathizers got to our Dream Center and gave our staff and kids about 3 minutes notice to vacate. No one had time to even grab a change of clothes or any personal belonging. As they fled, the blood thirsty mob came to kill everyone in the building. We would have had a mass funeral there, but for His grace!

In Phulbani, the mob came looking for Christian homes and missions. The local Hindu people, our neighbors turned the mob away, saying that there were no Christians in this area, so they left. We had favor! The same thing happened in Balasore.

All ourDream Centers are under lock-down with the kids and staff huddled inside, and police outside. The fanatics are circling outside waiting for a chance to kill. Others were not so fortunate. In a nearby Catholic orphanage, the mob allowed the kids to leave and locked up a Priest and a Computer Teacher in the house and burned them to death.

Many believers have been killed and hacked into pieces and left on the road; including women and children. At another orphanage run by another Organization, as this began, the Director and his wife jumped on their motorbike and simply fled, leaving all the children and staff behind. Every one of our GNI directors that I have spoken with said, 'We stay with our kids. We live together or die together; but we will never abandon what God has called us to do.'



More than 5000 Christian families have had their homes burned or destroyed. They have fled into the jungles and are living in great fear, waiting for the authorities to bring about peace. So far, no peace is foreseen. This will continue for another 10 days - for the 14-day "mourning period" for the slain Hindu priest. Many more Christians will die and their houses will be destroyed. Many more churches will be smashed down.

The Federal government is trying to restore order and perhaps things will calm down. We ask for your prayers. Only the Hand of God can calm this storm. None of us knew the meaning of persecution. However, our kids and staff now know what that means. So many of our kids coming from Hindu backgrounds are confused and totally bewildered at what is happening around them. So many of their guardians have fled into the jungles and are unable to come and get them during these trying times.



Through all of this, I am determined, more than ever, to continue with our goal: the transformation of a community by transforming it's children.

Orissa will be saved - that is our heart's cry. If we can take these thousands of throw-away children and help them to become disciples of Jesus, they can transform an entire region!

It is a long term goal, but it is strategic thinking in terms of the Great Commission!!!

What can you do? * First, please uphold all of us in fervent prayer.
* Second, pass this e-mail on to as many friends as you can. We must get the word out and increase our prayer base. This is spiritual warfare at its most basic meaning. We are literally fighting the devil in order to live for God's Kingdom. The next 10 days are crucial. We pray for peace and calm to pervade across Orissa.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please help us to get this request/message to as many people as possible - to partner with us on this cutting edge effort to fulfill His mandate: "Go and make disciples of all nations..." PRAYER WORKS!!


Blessings,

Chip & Sandy Warner,

MBI Team Facilitators to YWAM Frontliners

Col 2:2

Posted by Elizabeth Baldwin 11/12/2008 08:04 PM

Just pause enough to See the Blessings

wowits surprising what is opened up to someone when the burdens of assignments and papers and presentations are not clouding their vision and hearing.

how important it is to stop and just be... in the present...

Seasons.. sabbath. rest. Doesn't God command us to take time on pausing?
i have found that when i do, it is the most rewarding thing... i can finally breath. im not choking from the overwhelming busy-ness of life and all the demands of being a spiritual and physical being...

learned a few insightful things today that will probably stay with me always:
1. we all need adult Godly role models that we are close to.. especially teens who might be middle children and facing depression or possibly suicidal thoughts

2. i dont know why this so stuck out to me today but, inessa shared some things about the addiction of pornography and how it is destroying society because it inevitably causes men to be more aggressive and many of the rapists and murderes of women say it started with a porn addiction. this should be brought to light so everyone knows the consequences.

3. Inessa also told me about her research on Lithuania for a presentation and found that the newly independant country has the highest suicide rate in the world, and it is one of the smallest countries. she went into detail to describe how a high percentage of the population suffer from depression because of the hard way of life. she was able to interview people from the university we studied at (LCC)... and i was just there last spring...and only now im learning more details about this place i called my home away from home.

.... i dont know why.. but i feel like these things were important for me to hear. maybe because they need to be shared.. to people around. maybe my family and people surrounding me need to be more aware as well of things that seem to be out of view.




one thing i have to say is, it was personally a joy to hear about lithuania again after experiencing a silence from that experience in my life. i feel as though i havn't seen the last of that place, and there is still a bone to pick with it.
...just thinking about what i did there, how unaware i was of the people around me who might have been victims of no hope because they didn't rely on Christ, or know Him for that matter. ahh that last sentence stabbs me in the heart... those people i met, i hope thats not the last i'll hear from them.

im saying all this, but i know what happened was meant to be and God's perfect plan is in progress. always.

Crunch time

it'll be over soon....
but wait, isn't it during the times of high stress and overworking to get research papers done and lack of sleep that our faith and endurance is tested?...

a hard thing to deal with, i dont know why i am like this right now.
my unorganized days need to come to an end. where do i start? how do i learn to stay on top of things in my academic schedule...? any suggestions? there should be a little beginners course organizing your life.

... yes i kno...or do i... that all of this is in God's control and is allowed for his Glory .. and my benefit. i guess since i don't see the bigger picture, i dont know how to react to all of these things ...

get back to researching AMY!

boy oh boy what a day.. what a weekend...
so much singing, so much choir, so many choir buddies. concert choir is a huge commitment, and yet so is family. and i think they are beginning to be very similar things.
God really lavished blessings on me today, so many times and i just dont understand how he loves us so. "if grace were an ocean, we are all sinking" ...

i was at the tulare outlet, and literally everyone that passed by me were so courteious and genuine and smiled and said hi to me, like they were acquaintances or something.

a friend in our choir decided to not talk at all today for a school assighment. it proved to be torture. she was emotional at the end because i presume that she realized that she was missing out on so many conversations that could have happened on what seemed like it would be the best opportunity for it.

many more things happened today. but too tired to write. snoozing off..
only God, Only God...is our source, and supply.

a thirst for Christ should be shared

its wierd, i feel like writing a post, but once i get to the empty square, nothing comes up. i get this when i come across an amazing melody on guitar that is just itching for some words that glorify God, but there is no rhyme or reason to my mind and the words dont really come. at least for now.
but its ok. God's words are always better, so i guess that means Go meditate on his words instead of trying to make up "your" own..

in the midst of all the school craziness, there is still this huge desire to run away and meet with God. ahhhh!!!!!!!! doesn't it feel like the world is suffocating the focus? school, politics, daily demands... God, please slow it down... so i can see you in all of it!.... its draining. i miss the simplicity in lithuania and ukraine, where i could just enjoy God's wonders in a new light.

i guess this is a "homesick for europe" moment. but i am so happy that things are the way they are and God is Holy and perfect and is sanctifying me through this all.





May the Power of the blood of Jesus Christ be upon you and bring you to assurance of Salvation!

You Go Girl Retreat

this was a beautiful weekend... everything i needed to sooth my soul and help me focus..






i just want to thank everyone who was praying for everything that took place this weekend.

The Painted Veil...

do you think its possible that God uses things like movies that are not christian, to give a humbling message?
after watching this movie.. didn't like it at all at first.. its not the type of movie i would have liked in the past when i used spend a lot of time watching them.
but there is a message that was shown to me... something i was struggling with.. like the woman who got married to this Doctor, we sometimes as "believers" have affairs on Christ.. we forsake him... and we dont realize it.. but Christ died for us, when we were still sinners...
of course the video is not trying to send a christian message.. but something became quite visible to me.. love grows.. not just love for one another, but love for Christ. we know these things.. but i need reminders at just how much i neglect to respond to the love.... the love..... the love of Christ. after watching this movie i was compelled to spend time with God.. because i realized many times i put people before God. i get more excited to spend time with people than with my Creator.. weren't we created to have a relationship with our Creator?
... maybe instead of closing our minds to things that we tend to think, don't Glorify God, what would happen if in some cases we allowed God to show us how to see him in the details... i always miss the details...
Praise God for the moments of awareness he blesses us with...

Im back in America!

so im finally home! i came back early friday morning at 4 am :)
the 8th of August i think.
wow things are going quickly and went by too quickly. but what a blessing. Lithuania... changed my life and shaped my future, ukraine edified and blessed me everyday(God did the blessing)... and now im at home and dealing with jet lag and every night since ive been home ive gone to bed no later than 4 am lol... but God has been using my jetlag to get me bonding with family and friends... im just overwhelmed. all i can do is reflect on how much i see Him working in my life...
what a great weekend i just had... what a great new family-this team that went with me to Ukraine... how wonderful are my new friends from lithuania and all over the world, thanks to the study abroad experience. im speechless.
Father let me find my Joy and peace ONLY in you.. amoungst all the distractions and even in the things i consider blessings.. let me only see you in them and be humbled so that i may not boast... for Your name's sake. i hope i see these new friends again that have become so much a part of my life. so that we may praise You together for our Joy that you give.
Let it Be...

so im in ukraine!

wow...
i've been here since around may 16th... first Novovolynsk, then Kiev, then Zaparoziye, and now Feodosia...
so amazing here. i can't write for long cuz i have almost no internet access. but what a beautiful place.. and what a journey God is taking me through.. im finally reunited with many of the fresnoians! and making many new friends... Thank you sooo much Lord...
Glory be to You!

so an update..

well.. since Josh told me to update i will.
i dont have pictures available at the moment.. but i just want to say..
i loved this semester!!
finals are done, there was graduation, now everyone is leaving.. while i stay a bit longer and have to watch them go.
its been a rough couple of days. im missing everyone.. and i have to pack everything and move out by tomorrow morning...
.. when i get a chance i will post up pics and more details about the semester.. but for now im a bit in a somber mood.. nostalgic even.. but in 2 days im off to the Vilnius mission trip.. and then.. UKRAINE!
so.. please keep me in your prayers. i know ive got to have a lot more faith and strength to get through the transitions .. i just have to keep the focus..
your one and only,
Amz

moved....

"Feel Yourself Russian"

ok.. since i can't figure out how to write a caption next to each picture, let me just tell you that Russia was amazing! the first half of the pics, all the way down to the inside of a museum are in St. Petersburg, and the rest are from Moscow. the Eve Roshe in russian words, that one is for mom! i found it in russian! and then a pic inside the Kazan Cathedral where everyone is standing..! sooo amazing. near that one is a pic of just some of my wonderful companions. and than our Comrade Group inside the Monorail! i love these guys! the next one is me and Laura strolling around St. Pete's in the 5hr tour lol. and then see paul dancing with the Ethnic russian women in the Feel Yourself Russian Show we went to... soo Awesome! they pulled up 3 of our group members!
some more beautiful scenery pics and then the Hall of Mosaics i walked through in the Hermitage...

in Moscow! lets see.. a pic of some of us in a compartment on the overnight train :). then the famous circus!!!!Spectacular! several of pictures on the red Square! a pic with alli inside the New Tretikov Museum :)
Beauty Galore.. i just had to share some with my friends and family. i'm sorry if its a bit confusing. maybe when i get home i can explain better.
i Thank the Lord So much for this great opportunity...i still can't believe that i was able to be here and at these places.

:) video in sweden

my lovely ukrainian and european friends :)

we all look like siblings lol

Oh Sweden!

one of the best experiences of my life, by far, has been to see Sweden. before i left to Stockholm, i barely even knew where sweden was located on the map.. and now it is forever imprinted in my mind... Lord what a Blessing it is to have this opportunity!



"how marvelous, how wonderful is my savior's love for me..."






my new good friend Ana who hosted us :):) swedish Hot Dog!

Look at the fashion lol and the McDonalds~!

national animal :)


sooo enchanting...

our pals, vlad and paul, boiling spagetti lol yes they decided to make part of the meal (surprisingly to me, the guys like to cook in europe...). and the girls enjoying quality time together.

my new friends :)! inessa, luba vlad, vaiva, iryna, and paul