Agony...

my close friend's dad died yesterday...
Tamila and ben's pappa... he is no more (on this earth)
there is agony and brokenness... but God is still in control.. and Jesus is enough.
its just hard to see all of this with the loss that is impossible to bear without Christ. pray for the Morgun family

Dying to Self

How can i expect to die to myself daily if i can't even get myself to wake up before 9am? i wonder how this semester will be like... i guess the best way to start is no more late nights. and realizing i can't do this on my own.
two days till my day of birth and i can't even understand that i'm not 19 anymore. 21... thats a new page. Father, sanctify me to find my joy only in You.

this has been a rejuvinating winter break. starting the new semester will be impossible to fathom without your help, Father. thank you for carrying me this far...

Have we lost the meaning of this winter holiday?

celebrating christmas with family has been "fun"... but i can't help wondering what's going on?
its starting to become a pagan time of gathering and filling up our stomachs and counting the dollars we recieve as presents.. some birthday party to Jesus...
i don't want to sound like i didn't enjoy spending time with family .. i love them soo much...
family was my everything for as long as i can remember...
but now i see depraved minds that are misguided by culture and tradition and doing things out of habit instead with the heart. not to judge... but i can't help what i see...
we need saving... but whats worse is we dont even see the problem..

sim's birthday

friends are good... :)






sim is 20 now. time flies.

This is what's in my heart right now...

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master's courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
I'm carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I'm healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

These Afflictions Eclipsed by Glory..

what is this unexplainable awareness that is coming over me all of a sudden?

from the craziness of project after paper after PPA and BYL and other social problem assignments... to the "running on 3 hrs of sleep all day" to the comments like, "get some sleep, next week i guess"... the whirlwind of emotions and the impossiblity of focusing on the one true love that is Christ....
yet, inspite and in light of all of this, He is there. he is right here. in ways i'll never understand. but through little rare glimpses of his..... glory!.. there's no other word that is sufficient, no word in our vocabulary that could describe, Oh, How HE LOVES US!

wow... recollection from Europe

wow... i wrote this when i was in Lithuania...these were my thoughts after a semester in another country..
Sunday, May 18, 2008

Tagged
Current mood: awake

Okay, so I guess I got tagged by yanna :). The way it works is when you get tagged you have to do exactely what I am doing here... Which is write a blog of ten random facts, ideas, habits, goals, or whatever about your life and then list ten people that YOU are tagging. So here we go:

1. right now im sitting in an old dormatory room with all my luggage scattered because i cant figure out how to fit it all in... i really need to get rid of the clutter in my life.
2. im struggling.. with my walk with God. i keep feeling these desert times... i dont know how else to describe it.
3. i need to have a stronger faith. or renew my faith maybe.. i feel like everything i've learned in the past, i have to re-learn.. its so tough becoming the decision maker in my own life.
4. i just got back from my first mission trip in Vilnius and i leave for ukraine tomorrow morning.. by bus and train thru poland with my new friend Olya.
5. by the way, I loved Lithuania.. it has forever changed my life, because it opened my eyes to the real world.. to exactly what i needed to go through to get to my awareness of how truly blind i am.
6. life is so much more then following traditions and doing things just because someone says so... how could i have sold myself so short all this time. i didnt allow for my heart to learn on my own.(i dont know if this makes any sense at all)
7. I think its about time i start seeking wisdom from God and not just go with the flow... i am really really lacking in it.
8. my family-its so crazy that while im gone it seems like everything is happening, good and bad... i wonder about God's plan in that. but i know its supposed to be this way.
9.im leaving for ukraine tomorrow and i'll be meeting up with my beloved fresnoians! i dont even know how i will react... the first time seeing them in 5 months...
10. wow it feels like i just got started and here is the last fact.. well i guess i could say that i've learned to never never never stop making good friends whereever you go. dont ever be afraid to get attached. because the hope of seeing them in heaven is the biggest reward.